“There has to be more to life than this. I pray that I will find it.”
Those are my mom’s last words in her diary. I found them while going through one of her drawers after her funeral this past week.
She lost her battle of liver and colon cancer Friday, Aug 22. She had a long road of chemo, bad reactions, hospitalization, and finally immobilization. She lost her independence, but gained so much by bringing her family back together. She was the glue that brought us together in the first place, and now we have to take that legacy on and continue it.
Mom chose a life that I don’t think many of us would have made. She was 38 years old when she married a widowed man with 3 kids. They’ve known each other since child hood and didn’t fall in love until they began writing letters to one another.
She had a top notch job in the local hospital, actively volunteered, loved going to nightclubs (to dance), and lived with her parents in order to save up money. She was a bit of a feminist. She didn’t give in to what women her age were supposed to do.. she was a spinster, and could care less. She was having fun. But then she fell in love with my dad and his kids.
They married and she packed up all of her things and moved to Texas. Suddenly, she’s a housewife with 3 kids, no job, living in a trailer and in a small dusty town. She wanted a child so very much, and 2 years after marriage.. I came along.
Her life (besides her children) came to a halt, but she never complained. She loved us children with her entire soul. Even as many times as we disappointed her, she loved us. She always welcomed us back even after failing, maybe leaving, or destroying ourselves.. she was there with open arms.
I love her. I miss her. My world had stopped revolving for a brief moment. The death of a parent makes you feel child-like again, but then I have my whole child to take care of. So I snuggle Peanut close to me, tell her that we will miss Grandma very much, but she is doing so much better now. She’s not sick anymore. She’s dancing with Granddaddy.